Gothenburg, Sweden

Coffee with Camilla & Morran

April 2, 2019

Let’s do some time travel and go back to a morning in June, 2008. One thing I really miss from Gothenburg is meeting Camilla for morning coffee. None of my friends in Berlin want to meet for early coffee and now that I don’t want to meet late at night in smokey bars anymore (something I never liked nearly as much as early coffee dates tbh), it’s like most of the friends disappeared. I guess that’s what happens when you become friends with people in bars – that’s where you’ll find them (nothing wrong with that, that’s not what I’m saying).

How many of you remember Morran?

We used to hang out at Bengans, a record store at Stigbergstorget in Majorna, where I moved when I met Johan. It was great for people watching, wonder if it’s still there.

Morran was a very special lady. I guess we all are 😉

Johan’s espresso & cream bomb.

How are you doing? Yesterday PMS hit me harder than ever when I was in Kreuzberg, I had a feeling of drowning inside of myself for hours and hours. I vagely remember a Späti owner who wanted to drink vodka with me, but I said no. I also remember seeing three people going into a toilet with heroin ready to be used. This is when I did my best to walk home where I almost fainted. Took a nap and woke up still feeling the same, could hardly walk, but made it down to my Späti where I got Club Mate + chocolate which made my head a little bit clearer. Have you ever felt this way from PMS? I wonder if it’s age? Let’s talk about it.

Späti is like a kiosk btw, Sandra xo

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  • Reply Victoria April 2, 2019 at 9:39 am

    Hi Sandra,
    I think the PMS changing up, effecting the body and mind differently is an age thing. At least mine has become more intense as I have reached the latter part of my thirties – I keep thinking it might have to do with the journey to menopause but I don’t have any medical backup for that thought, just a sense. All this to say, you are not alone and I think it’s super great to share experiences like this with other women (and men) so we realise we are living a shared experience and can support each other. Much love to you from London.

    • Reply Sandra April 2, 2019 at 9:54 am

      Dear Victoria, thank you for commenting! Yes, it’s so important to share these experiences. Been thinking the same; a journey to menopause (only based on older friends’ experiences – several told me everything gets worse from around the age of 40 up until menopause).
      Sending you love and strenght,
      Sandra xo

  • Reply Anouschka Defraeye April 2, 2019 at 9:57 am

    Dear Sandra
    I know how you feel… I’m turning 40 this year and the last couple of years PMS hit me so hard that every month I had bouts of feeling severely suicidal (besides the physical discomfort). Last year, I started taking the pill again (I finally found one that doesn’t have any side effects) and the difference is immense. Before, the only thing that got me through the day, was telling myself again and again “it’s only temporary, it will pass” 🙂

    • Reply Sandra April 2, 2019 at 12:25 pm

      So glad you found help! I have only felt this bad once before, usually I just get very frustrated and Johan has to stay away from me, PMS arguments are so unneccessary. Was thinking the whole day yesterday “This is like a food poisoning, it will go away”. This morning I found myself in the kitchen crying asking what’s the point to exist. I was on pills for 11 years and behave like I had PMS almost every day, so it was a relief when quitting.

  • Reply juli April 2, 2019 at 12:45 pm

    hi sandra
    you are definitly not alone. this interwiew explained and helped me a lot, it is very interesting.
    i love what you do!

    • Reply Sandra April 2, 2019 at 1:08 pm

      Thank you, Juli. So kind of you! I will save the link 🙂

  • Reply Camilla Engman April 2, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    ahhhh! Jag saknar både dej och Morran! Drömde att hon låg i min säng härom natten. I natt ska jag drömma att du ligger där 😉
    Saknar inte PMS. Kommer inte ihåg just runt 40… har för mej att det var några lugna år just där.

    • Reply Sandra April 3, 2019 at 8:46 am

      Låg jag där? Utan PMS hoppas jag. Morran hade ju PMS 100% av sitt liv. Sötnos. Kram!

  • Reply Camilla Engman April 2, 2019 at 3:37 pm

    Just det, Bengans finns kvar, som både skivaffär och café. Dom har öl och vin nu också och spelningar och annat nedanför trappan.

  • Reply Rebecca April 2, 2019 at 5:15 pm

    Yes! I’ll be 39 in a couple of days and I swear PMS is tougher now than when I was a teenager. Fatigue. Brain fog. Night sweats. Intense moods and emotions. (I now often feel as fatigued during PMS as the days during my first trimester of pregnancy.) Thank you for bringing this topic up. We should have more freedom to discuss it … and it should be discussed more frequently. It’s so tough sometimes!

    • Reply Sandra April 3, 2019 at 8:50 am

      it’s so interesting to hear about all of us sharing the same experience, especially so many of us feeling a change around the same age. I wish someone would have told me earlier. At least I have a mum who once called me and said SANDRA, have as much sex as you can and enjoy it before menopause 😉

  • Reply Elena April 2, 2019 at 11:13 pm

    Hey Sandra,

    Feels good to see a conversation about PMS on one of my fav places to visit online.
    PMS is really aggressive for me, especially psychologically. It has always been like this, ever since I first started having my period.
    I used to think there was something wrong with me because of the intensity of my feelings, how I snapped at people and brain fog.
    I feel the same way today – like my body is suffocating me and the people around me are not to be trusted, even the close ones.

    Take care.

    • Reply Sandra April 3, 2019 at 8:53 am

      Elena, that sounds horrible! Glad we can talk about it, seems like so many of us feel the same (although I have been a lucky person, who hasn’t suffered much until now). What do you do during your PMS days, any tips to share? Sending you love.
      Sandra x

  • Reply Joanne April 3, 2019 at 8:19 am

    Sounds like perimenopause…..

    • Reply Sandra April 3, 2019 at 8:52 am

      Joanne, I think so too. I also had some alcohol during the weekend, so I’m starting to wonder if that made it all worse. Will avoid alcohol next time PMS is coming for a visit and see if there’s a difference. Hope so!

  • Reply Joanne April 4, 2019 at 8:21 am

    Dear Sandra,

    It’s a tough one, isn’t it. I really sympathise very much.
    I’m 46 now and right in the middle of it all. No alcohol and little sugar definitely helps here.
    Off to read your new post, I LOVE the colours!


    • Reply Sandra April 4, 2019 at 10:52 am

      Oh my, Joanne. Hope it passes soon! Hearing so many nightmare stories these days. My mum had a pretty easy menopause, hoping I will have the same.
      I started eating a lot of chocolate lately and decided to stop a couple of days ago, let’s see if it makes a difference <3

  • Reply Claire Miller April 4, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    I started feeling like my PMS was getting worse a couple of years ago. I’m 42 now, and at one time last year I thought it was peri menopause, but my Mom didn’t go through it until her early 50s, so I don’t think that was it. I was also going through a huge transition from working full time at a job I held for over 20 years to school full time studying for a new career. As I’ve become more comfortable with this huge change in my life, things have gotten a lot better! I also started taking a really low dose of antidepressants, which I resisted for years, and vitamin D every day and it has helped a ton!! I realized that the meds are a tool to help me get through this crazy transition (chef to math major!!), and I was able to stop thinking of it as a bad thing, like there’s something wrong with me. Now my PMS is back to normal (not freaking out on the people I love, not crying for hours at a time in public). Not saying anyone should necessarily take medication if they don’t want to or feel like they need it, but it’s really working for me.
    I know we’re all really different, but all of us ladies go through this! It’s good to talk about, as it makes us (me) feel less alone and crazy.

    Good luck Sandra!

    • Reply Sandra April 6, 2019 at 11:15 am

      So glad medication helps you!
      Was having the same thoughts – maybe it’s perimenopause, but reading your message I suspect it’s stress that started all this, been under a lot of stress the past months, so of course the body has to react some way.
      Good luck to you, too <3

  • Reply Monika April 8, 2019 at 9:04 pm

    I was not aware that there is something called perimenopause. I’m 38 and have noticed changes in my period some time ago, and PMS as well. Lot’s of nervous and anxiety, psysically and emotionally definitely worst. And… stress doesn’t help. It may be also connected with middle life crisis. My therapist says that it’s really common before 40s.

    • Reply Sandra April 9, 2019 at 1:22 pm

      I didn’t know about perimenopause either until my readers informed me about it, so glad we can help each other. It sounds like you’re in the same situation as me – maybe more the stress that affects the body than being in perimenopause, let’s see – we will know for sure the coming years 😉 Wish you all the best, Monika. Thanks for visiting. Sandra xo

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