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Green

May 31, 2016

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Today’s been all about green:
* Toast with asparagus, poached egg, sauce hollandaise, cucumber and cottage cheese for breakfast.
* Taking care of our plants.
* Spaghetti with wine and garlic marinated zucchini, olive oil, salt, pepper, basil & parmesan cheese for lunch.

I’ve lost myself completely while going through horrible personal things the past year, I guess it’s been pretty clear by the lack of updates on my blog which used to be a place that made me happy, feel inspired and feel secure to open up about a few personal things now and then. Much of what has happened is because I haven’t been able to say no to people (I learned at an early age that if I followed my own heart, someone else could get upset, so I ended up being an ultra pleaser). Last year I got involved with a very infectuous person who was talking badly about everyone around us and couldn’t take no from me, which led to me taking care of solving things with her more than taking care of myself and also to see the world in a more negative way (I really learned things about myself from this and hope to never be in the same situation again). This, and some other things, led to a severe depression which I’m now trying to get well from.

So now I plan to take a lot of time for myself, it’s going to be a struggle for me to say no to people who want to visit, but I am going under from not having enough time to focus on my own emotions, projects and to rest. I hope I will feel more inspired and less scared to post here again now that I’ve been open about some things that have been going on. Thank you for reading and for still coming by this place 🙂

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56 Comments

  • Reply Maria Snell May 31, 2016 at 5:19 pm

    take good care of yourself Sandra x

  • Reply Sunny A May 31, 2016 at 5:55 pm

    You can pull yourself out of the depression, I know you can! Hopefully the summer and sunshine will help too. I look forward to you feeling better and maybe posting more here. Thank you so much for sharing <3

  • Reply big mamabird May 31, 2016 at 6:19 pm

    Take care! Hugs from Vermont…

  • Reply Anna May 31, 2016 at 6:22 pm

    Hello Sandra. I read your posts with great interest, whether they reflect the simple beauty of everyday life or go deeper into your personal life. Please don't feel scared to post. I appreciate your openness. It is easy to get the impression that bloggers and Instagrammers lead a perfect, charmed life. And it makes me as a reader feel less alone in my own struggles when others share their struggles with me. I know the Internet is not always a supportive place. But I hope you receive some good vibes from those around you to lift you out of your depression. I am somewhat older and also made those mistakes you wrote about. Warmest regards, Anna

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 1, 2016 at 11:09 am

      thank you anna, your words mean a lot. my thought when i decided to be open about this, is that i want other to feel that they are not alone. when i opened up among my friends about my struggle, they were brave enough to open up as well and we could help eachother a lot. x

  • Reply Joola May 31, 2016 at 8:27 pm

    I think many of us have been there where you are now too. Thank you for letting us little bit know your real feelings. Take your time and trust that things can get better. ♡

  • Reply Violeta June 1, 2016 at 12:17 am

    I hope you feel better and can enjoy your time again. I love your photos. Hugs from Portugal. 🙂

  • Reply sonrie June 1, 2016 at 1:14 am

    Thank you for sharing that little glimpse of your personal struggle. I have been in a similar situation, with people and with what I've wanted to write about online in my blog. I hope you will have the time to heal. I love seeing photos of your city; I plan to travel to Germany later this year and I am really looking forward to taking plenty of photos.

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 1, 2016 at 11:10 am

      thank you sonrie, i hope you will have an amazing time in germany 🙂 yes, it's difficult to choose what to share online, it's good to create some kind of shield against trolls hiding behind their computers 🙂

  • Reply tatoodles.net June 1, 2016 at 1:32 am

    It's best to get rid of poisonous things out of your life. It has happened to me many times but it makes you stronger. I've followed your blog for a long time and always find it inspiring. I know you can get through this 🙂

  • Reply Hugrún June 1, 2016 at 10:49 am

    Hi Sandra! It's great to be open about things when they get you down – after having followed your blog in the past 5 years or so I could read between the lines that something was not going your way. But I am positively sure that you will get so much better once you just think what's good for you, what gives you pleasure and good health – the most important thing in the world is to be kind to ya'self and set boundaries what you want to do and what other people do to you. Well, I believe you know this all but I can tell you that you and your blog has been such a great mood lifter for myself and I love browsing through your photos of beautiful everyday moments and to read your thoughts. So while you are struggling you are also helping the others who are struggling as well! Take care and enjoy summer the most you can!

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 1, 2016 at 11:12 am

      thank you very much! yes, i hope to make other people feel less alone in their struggle, most of us are struggling extra much from time to time and usually it gets better, i'm just waiting for that moment and do what i can to make it happen. xo

  • Reply CK June 1, 2016 at 12:21 pm

    I've missed your beautiful posts. You bring such beauty to this space, to people you don't even know. Don't let the others bring you down. Feel better soon.

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:47 am

      thank you very much for your kind words. i hope to be back on track again soon, i've missed this space so much.

  • Reply Nanne Kick June 1, 2016 at 1:54 pm

    Please feel huged by me! Your blog is my window to Berlin and i enjoy coming here. With your tips we had wonderfull days in Berlin in our holidays the last years (Aunt Benny, Silo…).
    I know how it feels when a lot went wrong and how difficult it can be to change things. But it feels good if it's done.
    Take care of you!

  • Reply cococita June 1, 2016 at 2:44 pm

    Your openness is a brave and courageous act. Your words resonate with me. From personal experience, one thing is for sure: the moment you start to learn to say no, everything changes a lot. It's confronting for yourself and the people surrounding you, as it's a big change because you were always known as exactly the opposite person, yet the positive impact on yourself and your personal health and well-being is what truly counts. It sounds cliche yet we only have one life and it's never too late to take a new direction … Please continue to take good care! Every small step is one step and you will be surprised by yourself more than once! Warmly from south of France, moi

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:48 am

      thank you for your always so kind comments! thank you for calling me brave, because that's exactly how i felt when i decided to be open about this and being brave builds up human beings 🙂 xo

  • Reply Mediatrixy June 1, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Always a joy to see your posts Sandra. Hope that you feel that you can open up on this blog again, even if it is just to share your infectious joy at the world and at taking walks through life. Your approach to photography and life has been inspiring to me for several years now, and I hope that life starts to feel a little easier for you, step by step. Take care, keep walking, keep looking. These are the things that make you who you are (at least, they do from where I'm reading 🙂

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:49 am

      you are very observant, i will keep your encouragement inside of me and think of it when my brain starts telling me that things are pointless. x

    • Reply Mediatrixy June 3, 2016 at 10:13 am

      Well, I like your blog, so I guess that's where the observant thing comes in! Also, having gone through a period of depression, in which a very long-term relationship ended and my grandmother died, I know the importance of trying to get back to yourself. Even just listing out the things that make you who you are and why they are important to you has helped me enormously in turning a corner and putting the confusion and sadness behind me for now. Good luck.

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 3, 2016 at 10:21 am

      how sweet of you to say!
      i'm so happy to hear you found a method that helps you 🙂 glad things are turning!
      this is what i use my blog for, i go back in the archives to see the beautiful things that i used to document to remind me of the good things.
      xo

  • Reply Ana June 1, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    Oh Sandra, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a depression. The other day I realised it had been a long time since you posted anything on Intagram (yes, I also follow you on IG) but I could have never imagined this.
    To me is also very difficult to say NO to people asking for things. I think if we're friends or family we always have to say 'yes' but reality is that I never ask them anything back or if I do they say NO so, what's the point?

    It must be really hard for you but take your time, rest and we'll wait to see you back because personally I feel very inspired as well with you and your blog.

    All the best!
    Ana

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:50 am

      let's both practise saying NO! 🙂 the lack of instagram posts were because i had visitors and all my energy went there. i'm glad to inspire! hugs to you ana!

  • Reply barbara June 1, 2016 at 5:13 pm

    dear sandra, usually when someone tells me something so personal and vulnerable like this I offer the person a hug and a cup of coffee.
    so I thought the best I could do after reading your post is to wish you well and buy you a cup of coffee 🙂
    take care of yourself.
    all the best from brazil,
    barbara.

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:50 am

      so very sweet of you barbara, it means a lot to me! i sent you an email yesterday 🙂 x

  • Reply Irene June 1, 2016 at 7:24 pm

    Ich hoffe sehr, dass du dich bald besser fühlst, Sandra. Danke für die Inspiration, die du mir schon so lange gibst. Ich freue mich auf bessere Nachrichten. Irene

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:51 am

      vielen dank, irene! ich hoffe, dass die nachrichten bald besser sind 🙂 xo

  • Reply brianna June 1, 2016 at 8:35 pm

    Thank you for sharing, I have followed this space for awhile and am sending good thoughts to you. Negative people are tough to shake and good for you for recognizing it and taking the time you need to recover.

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:52 am

      thank you brianna! i don't want to put the blame on other people only, so much of it has been my own "fault", but now i will focus on doing "right" instead 🙂

  • Reply Claudia June 1, 2016 at 9:41 pm

    You are a brave and kind soul – I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. I hope you can see the light at the end of the tunnel and come out happy and strong. Your blog has been such a light on days that seemed too black and white…so I'm sending you some light…from my heart to yours.

  • Reply Flora June 1, 2016 at 10:34 pm

    Hi Sandra,
    I haven't checked your blog in a long while, busy with life and projects, and decide to come here tonight, to read this. I'm not happy that you are going through this, but I'm happy for you that you are finding your way out of this hurting situation. I'm sending you lots of warm wishes from Nantes!
    <3

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 9:53 am

      thank you very much flora, i hope you are doing well these days. i already feel that this blogpost has reminded me of the good old blogging days when we were a community. thanks for still coming by!

  • Reply martinebo June 2, 2016 at 7:47 am

    Green is the best colour to recover! I'm sure you are in the right mood to overcome the negative state…
    Happy, so happy to read you here, lucid and communicative, expeling that energumen!
    Bacioni a te, Sandra! A presto!!

  • Reply naominagamine June 2, 2016 at 9:45 am

    I hope soon all will be fine! Cheers, Naomi

  • Reply Edda June 2, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    hugs sandra! thanks for your posts. i was in I think what sounds like a similar situation, but finally moved on from this negative person. took me a while to recover but once I did I realised how I had room for some wonderful people and I found them, and appreciate them so much. I wish you all the best

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 2, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      that makes me so glad to hear, edda! congratulations!!
      i seem to be a magnet for people who don't want what's best for others because i'm a good listener and i'm good at confirming others. sometimes i just forget about myself. we live, we learn. x

  • Reply romyhe June 2, 2016 at 1:00 pm

    Just read your post and am feeling you. Being in this stupid, stupid state, where depression holds you tight, sucks. A lot.
    I just hope that you have many wonderful people around you who help you getting back to a happier and better place – and away from this person and all negativity that did that to you!
    I think it's super brave of you to open up on your blog about it and I sure hope that all the positive feedback here helps you a bit, too.

    Wishing you all the best, take care of yourself and allow yourself getting loved until you can love yourself again, too.

  • Reply WSAKE June 2, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    dear sandra,
    i´m so sorry to read that you´re going through this – and i really hope your path is becoming lighter and lighter… it´s such hard work to swim yourself free from something like this… i really can relate at the moment – completely different situation, but still struggling right now. and like you said in your new post – there´s nothing better than sharing, it´s amazing where help comes from and so healing! let your friends carry you a bit of the way!

    i wish you all the best!

  • Reply Unknown June 3, 2016 at 10:22 am

    Dear Sandra,
    I was in a similar Situation a few years ago and it took me forever to realize that it was indeed a depression I was going through. I am much better now, but it was not easy to overcome certain patterns of thinking (and acting). I wish you the very best and want to thank you for your honest words: opening up about what´s going on not only helps your friends to be able to help and support you. I also might encourage others to do the same and be open about personal struggles. You are not alone.

    Sarah

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 4, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      thank you sarah! i'm happy to hear you're much better now!! x

  • Reply annton beate Schmidt June 3, 2016 at 11:09 am

    As many have commented before, I can totally relate to this. A similar standstill has brought me to a big change lately, a change that feels so right. I just couldn't see it before. And having missed your wonderful posts over the last months, it makes me smile now, that your days seem to be moving in a brighter direction already. Saying NO can be the hardest thing to do sometimes and slowly getting out of dark corners too. I admire how you are taking care for yourself. Congratulations.

    • Reply sandrajuto_6360gn June 4, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      thank you annton! i'm glad you have been through a change for the better 🙂 makes me happy to hear, and hopefull for my own future! happy weekend! x

  • Reply Live June 4, 2016 at 4:15 pm

    Thank you for sharing. You inspire me in different ways and this is one of them. Take care, Live(:

  • Reply blackbird June 11, 2016 at 10:45 am

    Dear Sandra,
    I am late coming to this page but wanted you to know that I'm so sorry about this. I hope you're doing better soon.

    xo
    bb

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