It is a really long story that stretches out over a year. The story of how Johan and I met. No, not only how we met, but how we got from first meeting and not really liking eachother to becoming best friends and eventually more than friends. This is the short version:
The first day at design school we met, it was August and Johan was the first person I had an opinion about. We had been told to sit together with two other persons in one corner of the classroom. I saw that Johan was going to sit on the opposite side of me and I thought Oh no, not him!. Don’t know what it was that made me feel that way, but certainly he made me feel something immediately although it wasn’t anything positive. We started building towers of stuff so we wouldn’t have to see eachother. He thought I was annoying, I thought he was a young bitch. Maybe I should add to the story that I wasn’t available and not on the look for a new partner. And when it came to Johan, not even a new friend.
Eventually we learned that we both love food. One day he sent me a text message Can you recommend me a restaurant here in Gothenburg? I’m going to have some visitors. I did, he loved the place.
Time passed. I wanted to invite some of my classmates over to watch a movie (a strange thing, I have never liked to watch movies together with a bunch of people) but the only one who came was Johan. For the first time we really started talking with eachother, well not much of a choice when there was just the two of us at my place. OK, first we both fell asleep to the movie to avoid a conversation. All of a sudden I wasn’t that annoying to him anymore. All of a sudden he wasn’t that much of a young bitch. We slowly started to become friends.
And friends we were. I know exactly when I fell in love with him, it was horrible. He was so amazing. It was the worst feeling ever because I knew there was someone who was going to get hurt, I have never been so confused. I started reading everything backwards, I started thinking backwards and thought how not even the worst movie could be this bad. He bought me my first beer ever on that night when I later on understood that I fell for him; a Guinness. On a certain date I always drink a Guinness to celebrate the day I fell in love with him. He didn’t know, he had no idea at all. We ate crêpes outdoors, it was cold and dark and so much of a harsh Swedish winter as you can imagine. We did everything together. Barbequed on a beachvolleyballfield, made sandwich cake, talked the whole nights in front of the fireplace, organized parties, went shopping for a crazy good looking dress, listened to music that made us feel too many things, argued on the phone while I was in Berlin and he in London, slowly getting closer and closer. I kept my feelings a secret for a couple of months, not wanting to admit it to myself, waiting for it to pass. I could feel his scent in a room of forty people and I was for some reason sure he was never going to fall in love with me. I really thought it would pass.
It didn’t pass. I moved out of the apartment I shared, to live alone. I had searched for a place for weeks and the only place I got my hands on was strangely enough an apartment very close to where Johan lived. Scariest ever to move in, because I had no idea where Johan and I would go – if we would even stay friends. He doesn’t know when he fell in love with me, it was too hard for him to admit those feelings due to someone else being involved. We spent the whole summer together cooking, talking, biking, cutting eachother’s hair, swimming, walking, eating, meeting friends. And kissing when no one saw. A Sandra thinking backwards, a Johan not knowing what he wanted – rollercoaster of emotions deluxe. Sometimes he whispered I want to grow old with you in my ear when he thought I was sleeping. That’s something we both share – we are both very definite. If we get into a relationship, we do it with a plan. And so it was September and we said What the fuck, let’s be together at the pub where we later on made all the big decisions in life so far; moving in together, getting married, moving to Berlin and so on.